Natalie and I celebrate our 15-year anniversary this month. One of the reasons we have been so happily married these past fifteen years is that we’ve never made the mistake of thinking our relationship was the goal of our marriage.

From the beginning—even during our long-distance courtship (our fourth in-person date was our wedding!)—we understood ourselves to be a joint-venture project in service of God and His people, especially through the ministry of hospitality. In other words, our partnership has always had a purpose beyond itself, whether Stateside or abroad. And in pursuing that shared mission, we’ve discovered deep and abiding mirth in one another.

Now, I say all that with this caveat: we’ve been remarkably blessed. God has granted us good health, obedient and endearing children, financial stability, a peaceful home, and the quiet privileges that come with blue passports. We are, by any fair measure, scandalously well-favored. But by His grace, we’ve not squandered it.

And if you find yourself in a relationship rut—if things feel stale or strained—here’s my encouragement: get your focus off your relationship. Stop obsessing over how to fix “us,” and instead fix your eyes together on something higher. Aim your marriage at the Kingdom of God. Serve someone. Open your home. Give until it stings. You might be surprised to discover that when you stop trying to build a perfect marriage and start building the Kingdom, joy sneaks in the side door.

Intimacy flourishes when the goal isn’t self-fulfillment, but shared faithfulness to something bigger than both of you.

Maranatha,

Jordy